Monday, January 30, 2006

hmmm chinese new year. not really having a very spectacular one thus far and it's already the second day. moops :( got reminded about viv today and i found out that he already has an aussie gf so no more chance there. not that i'm ever going to get together with him but still it's always nice to think that there's always some hope.

yeah so new year always sucks in some way cos i'll always be reminded that i'm still not attached and have never been. plus an added factor this year: A's results and which uni i'm going to and what course i'm gonna study. ARGHS!!! like leave me alone and stop asking me that question already! as if i don't have enough worries without you constantly reminding me about it.

rahhhh...so back to the point about still not being attached. i know i sometimes proclaim my single status and how i would like it to remain that way but i'll admit that sometimes i do get a little jealous when i see others "happily" attached. seriously, even when i watch tv and see the lead male and female artistes finally getting together after a hell lot of trials and tribulations, i always get a sour feeling, like why doesn't that happen to me minus all that gazillions drams they have to go through. i swear my expectations are really low. just someone who loves me whole-heartedly and appreciates me and that's it. i know that's like stupid but i really really don't ask for more, like what must be good looking (well as long as he looks ok to me, i really don't care what others think), must do this and that, be this and that...nah...i don't care so much. GRRR...i so so so hate this.

and other than being reminded of viv, ben was constantly at the back of my mind, not withstanding the fact that we could have had met up later today for dinner but can't in the end. ok, i got over him quite a long while ago already but i just can't help remembering again cos of the stupid cny thing where people keep asking, "oh, so you're still not attached yet?" like besides viv, i thought he's the next one whom i thought we had mutual feelings for. looks like it turned out otherwise once again. sigh...so now i'm in a really crappy mood and i'm feeling really sorry for myself. and the sucky thing is i can't even complain about this to anyone cos i've never told anyone the truth before about my stupid so-called love life. damn! i shall be honest from now on and i don't care whether the next person is going to give me a huge "REALLY???!!!" look when i say that i don't have a bf and never have had.

alrights, please let me have a really really nice dream tonight. i don't care if that means i don't have a good sleep. i just want something nice to cheer me up :(

:: Room on the 3rd Floor :: posted at 11:56 pm