Every Night Is Another Story

2006-04-12T00:17:00.000+08:00

even fate is playing with me. waited for more than a week for zhao rong to come online but to no avail. initially i thought he was avoiding me but i thought he had not reason to do so unless he found out that i like him which is highly unlikely. like how? no one else knows about this. so after all that waiting, he finally came online tonight and what did i have to be doing? watching tv! brilliant. this feels like that same old feeling again. what the ?! can't believe that it's happening again. wonder if this time round, will it be absence makes the heart grow fonder or out of sight out of mind.

2006-04-03T01:06:00.000+08:00

yay! i was really happy when zhao rong initiated a conversation with me over msn. didn't think that he would. BUT the whole time he kept saying how work sucks cos got no pretty girls around and i don't think anyone would really like the person that she likes to constantly say that to her. AND he suddenly disappeared without appearing again so i don't know if his internet connection had problem or what. sigh...hate being left in doubt like that..

2006-03-31T23:29:00.000+08:00

hmm just to update about last week. it was such a coincidence. not only did i bump into chris on thurs but on fri in the library too!!! two days in a row. haha i was so happy after that. yup but having procrastinated writing about it, the happiness just kinda subsided. goes to show that it's merely infatuation. today's finally the last day at rnt and i actually couldn't bear to leave cos most of them them (save the corporate side who actually were quite nice to me today) were super super nice!!! will really miss them. haha will definitely drop by to visit them if i have the time but i'm not sure if that would seem to be overdoing it. anyway, managed to get zhao rong's contact so i'm quite happy. let's see if we would be able to become better friends. bumped into ian and the other lawyer, marcus i think when i got into the lift to go to the 30th. that's coincidence number one today. then tried to find chris and mark on their floor but they weren't there so couldn't get their contacts. but surprise surprise who did i meet downstairs when i was waiting for my dad but chris!!! haha that's coincidence number two for me today. including last week's one, three coincidences altogether! haha. anyway other than feeling bittersweet, i actually feel very happy cos i enjoyed myself there. now i must see how to further the friendship with zhao rong, as in become closer friends. not sure if we'll get a chance to meet up but i'll try. shan't be too pushy and clingy though. realise i tend to become like that especially when it comes to guys that i have a good feeling about, as in nice guys, not necessarily must become really close kind. just good friends. think i scare them way. so anyway, don't think the friendship with chris would develop any further seeing that i bumped into him downstairs. was hoping that he would msg me to thank me for the chocolates. so even though i wrote in the note to him to stay in touch, i doubt he would. we'll see. as for mark, wrote the same thing but he still hasn't msged me to thank me. and he did ask for my number last time round so i'm not sure if he still has it. oh wells...anyways, i'm still in a pretty good mood so yay!!

2006-03-24T00:39:00.000+08:00

i don't know what i want or what i'm looking for. somehow at each point in time, there'll always be someone. ben, chris, ian, zhao rong. my heart always skips a beat whenever i see zhao rong or ian. i even hope for them to talk to me. chris said hi to me today and asked how i was and i was elated. what's wrong with me. i know it's all infatuation. and i know i also say that i'm in no hurry and that the time will come one day. but i dunno it boils down to the same fact that i want to be loved and pampered by someone. ah!!!!! i dunno!!!!! so frustrating. heh and i was really happy when sui-yi and si-yi said that i was pretty. haha...so vain...

2006-03-17T23:21:00.000+08:00

who would have thought a simple night out like that would bring all feelings back again? but then i should have expected it. i know i got over him quite a while back but like i said then there's still a little feeling buried somewhere deep within me. love really is blind. i see his many flaws yet i'm still pretty much in love with his good points. and today i got irritated again as usual when he called out to lixin to sit down when he found some space so that we could watch the concert at esplanade. like it's always her first.of course during dinner when i got to the table, i didn't know he was there yet (the guys all look pretty much the same without hair!) then he said hi to me and i said a really simple hi back and that's it. i know it doesn't mean anything cos he's this friendly to everybody. somehow it seemed that our bantering today was much milder than usual. and i felt that he somehow tried to restrain himself on purpose. SIGH...stupid feeling's back again. darn i hope i get to meet a better guy soon then i can forget about ben. and it so doesn't help that he actually looks much better now aesthetic face value wise. can't say that he has improved much physical body wise cos he's still pretty thin as usual but his face somehow looks different maybe cos of the hair and he got braces for the upper set of teeth and surprisingly he looks very good and quite cute with them! oh no!!! but actually i can be 99.9% sure that he doesn't like me. the other 0.1% stems from the fact that i refuse to accept it. what am i gonna do?!?!

2006-02-22T23:23:00.000+08:00

love is a force of nature -- Brokeback Mountain. how true. just like how nature is something that cannot be explained. like we can get all technical but really who knows and can predict what's going to happen to anything next. i think i'm still at a stage where i'm just trying to get to know more and understand people. especially the opposite sex. i just don't have that nan ren yuan so i can really never fathom how they think. which really worries me that i may not ever be able to find a partner. i don't know. somehow 60 to 70 % of the guys i think i may have some feelings for actually turn out to be jerks and the remaining 30 to 40 % are like the perfect guy but already attached. so you see, that does not leave many left. the rest are probably just not to my liking. and sometimes i wonder if my expectations are too high. which i shouldn't have right considering my tiao jian. ah shucks i don't know.
watched brokeback mountain yesterday and i was really touched by the story though simple it may be. but just the fact that it's so hard to actually love and be with the one you really really like is something that i can totally relate to is enough to get me all emotional. sometimes you really wonder how fate works. i don't know and i want to find out but i don't know how. sigh...so much for love.

2006-02-05T21:38:00.000+08:00

i haven't had one of my nice dreams in a very long time and it finally materialised yesterday :) this time i dreamt about raymond lam. but as usual, i can't remember the details, just that we seemed to be schooling together and he's a guy friend of mine and another pretty good girl friend. in the end we got together and he refused to let it be known in case that good friend of mine got jealous cos she kinda likes him too. and so of course i got pissed and then the dream kinda ended there :( but i liked how we got together and the things that we did on our so-called dates. i think we were having a meal and he asked me if i wanted more food, saying that he knew of somewhere nice where we could go eat more. so i suggested that since we both like food, the next time we go out we should do like a food tour and basically go round the country and sample all the good food. yeah, and i just remember us looking very happy. sigh...so nice...

2006-02-01T00:09:00.000+08:00

sigh...sometimes fate really plays with you. just as when i was feeling sorry about myself, what with ben and viv, who should IM me but ben. other than wishing me happy new year, nothing much though. after that we or rather he didn't bother to keep the conversation going so i didn't really reply to him after we finished our ke4 tao4 hua4. geez...sometimes i really don't understand why he still IMs me. if what i think is right, which is that he knows that i like him and he doesn't like me thus wants to avoid me, then why does he still bother to wish me right? i mean he didn't bother to wish me luck for 'A's. grrr i really wish i could pry open his brain just to figure out what he's up to and what he's thinking. damn now i'm going to have problems getting to sleep. i need someone to analyse for me!! haha but who?

2006-01-30T23:56:00.000+08:00

hmmm chinese new year. not really having a very spectacular one thus far and it's already the second day. moops :( got reminded about viv today and i found out that he already has an aussie gf so no more chance there. not that i'm ever going to get together with him but still it's always nice to think that there's always some hope.

yeah so new year always sucks in some way cos i'll always be reminded that i'm still not attached and have never been. plus an added factor this year: A's results and which uni i'm going to and what course i'm gonna study. ARGHS!!! like leave me alone and stop asking me that question already! as if i don't have enough worries without you constantly reminding me about it.

rahhhh...so back to the point about still not being attached. i know i sometimes proclaim my single status and how i would like it to remain that way but i'll admit that sometimes i do get a little jealous when i see others "happily" attached. seriously, even when i watch tv and see the lead male and female artistes finally getting together after a hell lot of trials and tribulations, i always get a sour feeling, like why doesn't that happen to me minus all that gazillions drams they have to go through. i swear my expectations are really low. just someone who loves me whole-heartedly and appreciates me and that's it. i know that's like stupid but i really really don't ask for more, like what must be good looking (well as long as he looks ok to me, i really don't care what others think), must do this and that, be this and that...nah...i don't care so much. GRRR...i so so so hate this.

and other than being reminded of viv, ben was constantly at the back of my mind, not withstanding the fact that we could have had met up later today for dinner but can't in the end. ok, i got over him quite a long while ago already but i just can't help remembering again cos of the stupid cny thing where people keep asking, "oh, so you're still not attached yet?" like besides viv, i thought he's the next one whom i thought we had mutual feelings for. looks like it turned out otherwise once again. sigh...so now i'm in a really crappy mood and i'm feeling really sorry for myself. and the sucky thing is i can't even complain about this to anyone cos i've never told anyone the truth before about my stupid so-called love life. damn! i shall be honest from now on and i don't care whether the next person is going to give me a huge "REALLY???!!!" look when i say that i don't have a bf and never have had.

alrights, please let me have a really really nice dream tonight. i don't care if that means i don't have a good sleep. i just want something nice to cheer me up :(

2005-12-25T14:20:00.000+08:00

i'm off tomorrow. taiwan here i come!!!

2005-12-22T22:45:00.000+08:00

that's what i'm feeling right now

2005-12-18T23:57:00.000+08:00

my christmas list...the vcd/dvd for the tvb dramas split second and yummy yummy!!! haha these two are like at the top of the list. and i'm really hooked on to the songs to the ost of yummy yummy. so cheery and happy :) :) :)

2005-12-15T10:31:00.000+08:00

i'm back! hah last few days have been spent packing and clearing. so much rubbish! and then finally had buffet at shangri-la's The Line yesterday and it was fab! so much food and the dessert were enough to keep me occupied the entire meal. so, busy week, what with packing, running errands...will probably start posting up holiday pictures and working on my travel journal when i'm a bit freer. ah...i love holidays!

2005-11-30T12:52:00.000+08:00

five days of shopping and walking around in heels sure can kill your feet. at least it was fruitful. and tomorrow i'm off to canada. hopefully it'll be fun and i get time to do more shopping. big sizes!! haha. sadly it's winter so it'll mostly be winterwear. maybe can go to some warehouse sale. love those! designer stuff at bargain prices! geez...this month is really full of shopping. going to taiwan during the christmas break and that place is like a shopping paradise! ah bliss...and right now i have to go do some last minute packing. bah. i hate packing..

2005-11-25T10:41:00.000+08:00

I wait for the good Lord to make me feel better
And I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders
A family in crisis that only grows older

2005-11-24T16:07:00.000+08:00

you ask why i'm rude and don't treat you with respect, but have you ever done the same to me? i hate it that things always turn out this way. and it sucks, cos there's no one to talk to about it. well other than mr l**. but i cannot keep going to him whenever i feel like shit. he's been nice enough to listen to me those few times already. ARGH!!!!!!! i don't even have the mood to study for bloody chem s now.

2005-11-23T18:49:00.000+08:00

jerk. why do i bother time and time again?

2005-11-22T22:21:00.000+08:00

feeling...i don't know. a particular feeling's been starting to come back in spurts recently. one moment i'll be really mad, singing away, and the next i'm biting someone's head off. sigh...i wonder if there's a chance next week to meet up before i leave. i've got so many things to say to him but i don't dare to, for fear that it may just ruin everything that we have at the present moment. presently, things are not exactly ideal but i don't dare to ask for more. zhi zu chang le right?

2005-11-21T19:01:00.000+08:00

always and forever. what a load of crap.

2005-11-16T19:13:00.000+08:00

it's always so easy for me to forgive him. somehow, i always can't seem to bring myself to end it despite all that's happened. i tried to listen to your song again, but i couldn't cos i know when i hear it, memories will start coming back to me. ironically, happy memories which hurt me alot.

2005-11-15T18:53:00.000+08:00

jerk. i'm not invisible. and you're oh so rude.

horoscope for the day: "Something is going on with your partner--something that's totally out of character--and you're just dying to find out what it is. don't put too much energy into worrying about it, though. it's all good." ya right.

i guess today was the final straw. well at least i think so, cos somehow i'll always come up with some reason to forgive him.

2005-11-12T09:10:00.000+08:00

Athlete--Street Map

I would like to think our paths are straight
Disconnected from choices we make
There is no reason why it can't be like you said

One day it's gonna happen
I don't know when
I'll be on your street
But I know one day it's gonna happen
You're gonna be swept off your feet

I would like someone to make a map
Mark my home and draw some lines that match
All of the reasons why
It can be like you said

One day it's gonna happen
I don't know when
I'll be on your street
But I know one day it's gonna happen
You're gonna be swept off your feet

I don't know when
I don't know why
I don't know when
I don't know why

One day it's gonna happen
I don't know when
I'll be on your street
But I know one day it's gonna happen
You're gonna be swept off your feet

But all that I know is it's gonna happen
I don't know when
I'll be on your street
But I know one day it's gonna happen
You're gonna be swept off your feet

2005-11-11T20:18:00.000+08:00

At this moment, there are six billion, four hundred seventy million, eight hundred eighteen thousand, six hundred seventy one people in the world. Some are running scared, some are coming home, some tell lies to make it through the day, others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good, and some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes...all you need is one.

2005-11-10T13:34:00.000+08:00

Jake's Song

Such a Lonely boy
Couldn't find the joy within
Such a lonely girl
Such a lonely world we're living in
I watch it all go by
I can't find a tear to cry

Such a lonely boy
Such a lonely girl
It's such a lonely world

2005-11-10T13:30:00.000+08:00

hmm...here's what my horoscope says for today: enough with the intrigue, it is time for openness--oh, and maybe just a bit of romance. let someone know how you feel, then dash out to buy something for the person. how is that supposed to work? real life is hardly anything like what we read in books or see in movies--girl likes guy, guy has no feelings for girl, guy finally realizes that she's the one for him, girl and guy live happily together and vice versa--this only happens in lala land, not in the land of reality. i've been through that lesson many times but i never seem to learn it. but a girl can dream, can't she?

so back to planet earth. math was challenging. but i liked that it stimulated my mind a lot. yea, i know i'm weird. hopefully i do well for math, actually for everything too. so gp tmr. and miraculously, everything seems to be falling back into place again. i am writing decent essays and AQs again, like finally!! so i just hope gp won't be as weird as all the other papers thus far. can't screw up if i want my A to even apply for law :s

2005-11-09T23:41:00.000+08:00

i'm in a really horrid mood right now, partly cos of chem, partly cos i'm tired, and partly cos of ***. yes, i know i promised myself not to be bothered by *** anymore, but the feeling just came. and now i have a really bad feeling about math tmr. yikes! can this day get any worse?

2005-11-09T13:20:00.000+08:00

why did i have to panic during chem?!?! why!!!!! how am i going to get my A now? ah....what a mess. but thankfully i could do the elucidation question. who said organic chem's always easy? one word to describe As so far: WEIRD! bugger...hopefully math tmr will be as good as paper 1. i need to feel good again cos right now i feel like crap!

oh and i think it's quite confirmed that i'm not going for prom anymore. just as well i guess. at most i'll meet up with everyone else when i get back. alright, must do more math now.

2005-11-08T19:13:00.000+08:00

A levels started today. can't say much of bio. did the same essays that i did during the prelim which i did horribly, so i hope i'm not tempting fate. and i'm sad!! no nitrogen cycle! looks like mr lam's prediction are not very accurate this year. darn. oh and structured was quite hideous. the questions were rather odd and :( sighs hope i get an A for bio. thankfully, math was quite a breeze, provided i didn't make any careless mistakes. 2 down, 13 more to go. haha, that's a lot!

2005-11-07T16:18:00.000+08:00

what is wrong with you?!?!?! what is this supposed to mean? you really missed me out or you did it on purpose? come on, wake up!! stop being so narcissistic and thinking that everyone else has to fall head over heels and like you too. well get this straight, i don't fancy you, AT ALL. so stop thinking that i do and stop doing all these stupid things, like having split personalities around me that change so frequently i can no longer figure out what you're thinking or trying to do, cos i don't care anymore! gawd! i can't believe i even tried being nice to you.

2005-11-06T08:52:00.000+08:00

last night when i dozed off while studying (again!!! must stop doing it. exams in2 days!! ahhhh!!) i suddenly had this very weird image flashing through my mind. i was reading a sms and it went, "b** b** knows that it is a bit late to love you now". there were other stuff but i only remembered this. then i got such a shock i woke up immediately. gosh don't know if it was exam stress. it was too weird!!! sigh but if you're really thinking that way, i want to tell you that it's not too late!

2005-11-04T22:01:00.000+08:00

how rude can you get? you could have at least said bye. i would if you didn't always treat me in this manner. i mean just cos i'm not some other people like l**** doesn't mean that you can treat me like that.

2005-11-01T00:22:00.000+08:00

i forgot to mention. i heard your song 7 times today. odd or what?

2005-10-31T23:39:00.000+08:00

ok even math is obviously not working. i guess i've reached saturation point already. did 2 full math papers today, both paper 1 and paper 2. braindead now. plus the fact that a lot of thoughts are whizzing through my mind. ok that's ironic. but anyway, i'm confused. i don't like playing mind games at all. i wish things were a little more straightforward, then i wouldn't be in my current predicament and feeling so messed up.

so i was thinking about what i want to do after As. definitely have to put in many pratice hours if i'm gonna take my piano dip exam next july. and i might go for either drumming or electric guitar lessons, depending on what my brother wants to go for. oh and cooking lessons, or i might just muck around the kitchen experimenting with new recipes. and of course the usual shopping, sleeping, watch movies yada yada. oh and i want to get a job. my dad and eileen said that they might be able to get a job for me at a law firm but most likely without pay :s just go there to pick up stuff. but what i really want is to work in a hotel. i wonder if i should call the shangri-la guy. don't know if he'll arrange something for me. and my other option is to relief teach, but definitely not at rg. too scary. most probably will teach math. and the pay's good too. $65 a day, which makes it $325 a week and $1300 a month. hmm...might really consider. but of course, school's got to accept me first. haha wonder why they would want to. oh ya, and to earn extra bucks, i'm gonna teach piano!! haha dongni's willing to let me teach her. yay! hope that works out. wow, that's quite a lot of stuff to do. 6 months isn't a lot either.

alright, must really get back to work. still've got so much to catch up on.

2005-10-31T22:41:00.000+08:00

ok i want to complain. i hate it when people simply assume things. i hate it when people put words in your mouth. and i hate it when people do not think before they do or say anything. and that's precisely what et did. i was not upset cos your did not wish me that day. in fact i never was. i never expected your to remember anyway cos unlike some people who...well i really rathre not say. i really do appreciate h/im/er reminding everyone else but i really did not appreciate the fact that s/he told everyone that i was "very upset". and who says this kind of thing? so thanks, ALOT, for ruining my day. i know now that what he did for me was really nothing. and because of that, i'm really upset now, and hurt too. very hurt. so i hope you realize that. alright shall go do more math to numb the pain.

2005-10-31T22:18:00.000+08:00

Someone once said, it's the good girls who keep diaries. The bad girls never have the time. Me...I just wanna live a life I'm gonna remember. Even if I don't write it down.

2005-10-28T23:58:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to me. not like it's anything worth getting excited about. pretty normal day. but many many thanks to everyone who remembered. received lots of chocolates. (heh i guess it's a known fact that i adore chocolates) thanks ben dearest for the absolutely mouth-watering chocolate cake! that's the best chocolate cake that i have ever tasted. so presents aside, went to pete's place at grand hyatt for dinner. and the italian food there's just fab! the calamari's not too oily, the mushroom soup is homemade, the pasta's cooked just right, and the creme brulee is the best i've ever had. must learn how to make! so that about sums up my day. right now, i'm barely keeping my eyes open. okies, i'm off to bed.